2025 Resolution: Stop Feeling Guilty

In 2024, I stepped out of my comfort zone. I danced, wrote, Soul-Cycled, and did A LOT of things I couldn't imagine myself doing in the past. I should've felt proud of myself for my new accomplishments, but I didn't.

I felt guilty.

Everything I did, I felt a sense of guilt behind it. When dancing, I felt like I should've been studying or working, even though dancing was supposed to be how I connected with my culture. When I Soul-Cycled, I felt like I should’ve been doing something less expensive or working harder in the set when I physically couldn’t anymore. When going to the gym, I felt pathetic for the lack of progress I made and how weak I was. When studying, I felt stupid about not studying earlier and wondered what the point of studying now was. When watching TV, I felt incredibly unproductive because I could be doing something else instead of watching TV. I’ve been thinking a lot about New Year’s resolutions and what actionable steps I’m going to take to feel better about myself.

I love chewing, and I love snacking. Yesterday I was laying in bed, snacking on Nilla Mini Wafers and watching reels. It physically felt like crack—I got to relax and chew on yummy snacks. But then the guilt crept in. I started thinking about how I’m not thin enough, how I wanted to lose weight, and how I should’ve been eating an apple instead of Nilla Mini Wafers.

I caught my thoughts.

Maybe instead of actionable items, I’m going to make one big goal to work towards: to not feel guilty and to give myself a break.

Yes, I know stress can be good, and it’s important to feel urgency in your life to get stuff done. But if you know anything about me, I’m self-loathing. And I think a lot of that self-loathing comes from the guilt I feel.

In 2025, I’m going to work towards attaching good feelings to my actions. When I work out, instead of the negative self-talk, I’m going to push as hard as I can and feel proud of my progress. I’m going to eat more whole foods that give me energy, so when I do snack, I don’t feel guilty about putting junk in my body. I’m going to turn my pleasures into rewards for myself instead of using them as a coping mechanism to mitigate the stressful life I live. I’m going to practice Christianity more in my life to cultivate forgiveness for myself and to embrace the idea that I am already loved and worthy, flaws and all.

Seneca once wrote, “We suffer more often in imagination than in reality.” At the end of each day, I’ll reflect not on what I did wrong, but on what I did right. I’ll find five moments to be proud of and let those fill my thoughts as I fall asleep. The Stoics believed in living by nature—accepting yourself as you are, flaws and all. Epictetus reminds us to focus on what’s within our control, and I’m learning that includes how I choose to perceive my actions.

In 2025, I’ll remind myself that growth takes time, and there’s beauty in progress, not just perfection.